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Finding My Place in a Big, Blended Family

Writer: Bailey RoweBailey Rowe

Left to Right: Mark, David, John, Daniel, Matthew, Me, Emma, Allie
Left to Right: Mark, David, John, Daniel, Matthew, Me, Emma, Allie

Growing up in a big family is chaotic, loud, and absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me. I come from a blended family where the term “step” has never really meant anything. My brothers came from my dad's ( step-dad but like I said I don't call him that) first marriage, and my younger sister came from another relationship he had before meeting my mom, but to me, they’ve always just been my family.

I have six older siblings—five of them boys and one older sister—and one younger sister, making me the second youngest in the lineup. Since they’ve been in my life since I was eight years old, and I’m now twenty-three, I can’t even imagine my life without them. My family is big, blended, and sometimes a little overwhelming, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.


Growing Up With an Age Gap: Finding My Place Among Overachievers & Free Spirits

Being the second youngest in a family where the biggest age gap between my siblings and me is 16 years and the smallest is 7 years, I grew up surrounded by adults. Most of my childhood felt like I was stuck somewhere between being the baby of the family and a middle child—too young to fully relate to my older siblings but too old to completely bond with my younger sister in the same way.

The Sisters: Polar Opposites But Equally Amazing

My older sister, Allie, has always been someone I admired and looked up to. She’s incredibly smart, beautiful, career-focused, and an insanely talented dancer. She’s polite and put together, but when she lets loose, she’s hilarious. She’s always been in touch with her emotions, always had a boyfriend or someone she was talking to, and was the type of person that people naturally respected and gravitated toward.

My younger sister, Emma, is sweet, quiet, and athletic. She’s smart, gorgeous, and much like my older sister, she’s very in touch with her emotions. She’s a cheerleader, and even though she and I have completely different personalities, I love watching her grow into herself and become her own person.

Then there’s me. Loud, outgoing, hiding my emotions like a pro. I’ve never been one to be tied down—I crave freedom, adventure, and the ability to do whatever I want without someone telling me otherwise (unless he’s “the one”... but let’s be real, I haven’t found him yet, so we keep the shenanigans going).

I always stood out from my sisters, and I loved it. In high school, people would always tell me, “You’re nothing like your older sister,” and I’d reply, “Thank you.” At the time, I didn’t fully appreciate how cool my sister actually was, but I loved being the different one—the troublemaker, the rule-breaker, the reason my parents met their deductible every year.

The Brothers: Accomplished, Wild, and Everything In Between

Growing up with five older brothers meant I had a front-row seat to five completely different lives and personalities—each one doing their own thing, each one carving out their own path.

  • One went to law school and became a badass attorney, making a name for himself in the courtroom.

  • One dove into the insurance world, living life on his own terms, doing exactly what made sense for him.

  • One packed up and moved to the mountains, working in retail and chasing adventure, not tied down to anything.

  • Another one also moved to the mountains, completely embracing the live free, do what makes you happy mindset.

  • And then there’s the brother who got into Duke… and then Harvard Med. A world traveler, a brilliant mind, and basically the definition of overachiever.

They were all so different, but I looked up to each of them in their own way. Every time they came home to visit or I got to see them, it felt like a treat. I’d sit there, soaking up their stories, hearing about mountain adventures, crazy clients, and once-in-a-lifetime trips to places I’d only ever seen in pictures.

Their lives were so vastly different from one another, but somehow, they all made sense in our family.



Where Do I Fit In?

Growing up around so many accomplished, unique, and wildly different personalities meant that I was constantly soaking in bits and pieces of each of them.

I got my adventurous streak from my brothers who picked up and moved away just to live life on their own terms. I got my determination from my lawyer brother, who fought his way into success. I got my free-spirited nature from the brothers who weren’t afraid to walk their own path. And I got my drive and ambition from my older sister, even if I didn’t realize it at the time.

At the end of the day, I may be the loud, rebellious one, the one who never wanted to follow a straight path—but I know exactly where I come from.


The Sibling Everyone Wanted on Their Side

Growing up in a big family, you learn pretty quickly that you’re either getting ganged up on, or you’re the one calling the shots. Lucky for me, I was never the sibling getting ganged up on—I was the sibling everyone wanted on their side.

Whether it was a prank war, a family argument, or just pure survival in the chaos of our house, I somehow always ended up as the teammate people fought over.

I wasn’t just good at holding my own—I was strategic. I knew exactly how to stir the pot just enough to make things interesting but never enough to take the fall for it. (Okay, sometimes I took the fall for it, but it was worth it.)

I was also sneaky. I had a way of knowing everything that was going on in the house. Who stole what, who was sneaking out, who was covering for who. No one wanted to be on my bad side, because if you crossed me? I had receipts, and I wasn’t afraid to use them.

The Downside of Being a Little Too Strong-Willed

Now, I can admit—I wasn’t always the easiest sibling to deal with. Bossy? Absolutely. Sassy? Without a doubt. Hard to argue with? Let’s just say, if I thought I was right, you were never going to hear the end of it.

I had an opinion on everything, and I wasn’t afraid to say exactly what I thought. (Which, looking back, might have been a little much at times.)

There were definitely moments where my confidence turned into stubbornness, my independence turned into defiance, and my sense of humor turned into pure roasting sessions that my siblings did not always appreciate.

But for all my chaotic tendencies, my family always knew that if they needed me, I was there. Whether it was backing them up in an argument, helping plan the perfect revenge prank, or just being the sibling they could count on to tell it like it is, I always showed up.


Breaking My Oldest Brother into Big Brother Mode

When you have five older brothers, you either adapt or get left behind.

One of my favorite memories is how I broke my oldest brother, Johnny, into being a big brother. The first time he ever had to pick me up from after-school care, I had just gotten in trouble—and not just any trouble. I had shoved a girl twice my size against the wall with my forearm and told her to never mess with me again. (To be fair, she had it coming, and I saw it as an eat-or-be-eaten situation.)

Johnny had no clue what to do with me, but instead of scolding me, he thought it was the funniest thing ever. From that moment on, I think he realized his little sister was a force to be reckoned with.

The Perks (and Chaos) of Having Older Brothers

Growing up with older brothers meant I was constantly surrounded by their personalities, their humor, and their influence. It shaped me into someone who could hold her own, throw a punchline just as hard as they could, and never take life too seriously.

  • Family vacations were always an adventure. One time, we went to the beach, and one of my brothers took me to the pool—only to disappear with a girl while her entire sorority friend group ended up babysitting me. Naturally, I put on a full gymnastics show in the pool for them while they cheered me on.

  • Getting invited to “big kid” movie nights with my older siblings was the best. I wasn’t always allowed to stay up late, but when I was, I felt so cool sitting with them like I was one of the adults.

  • Beer pong (with water, of course) was a living room staple. I remember watching them set up and play while I tried to figure out why this was such a big deal to them.

  • Getting shipped off to college for weekends with my older sister when my parents were out of town was a regular thing. Years later, when I finally went to college, we lived in the same apartments. It was such a full-circle moment.

Growing up in a big family meant I had enough fraternity and sorority T-shirts to last a lifetime because they always got passed down to me as “play shirts.” I had built-in protection, built-in friendships, and enough wild stories to last forever.



Finding My Place

In a big family, it’s easy to feel like you need to define your role. Everyone has a personality, a place, a reputation—and sometimes, it’s hard to figure out exactly where you fit.

I wasn’t the oldest, so I didn’t have to pave the way. I wasn’t the youngest, so I wasn’t the forever baby. I wasn’t the overachiever, the quiet one, or the golden child.

I was the wild card—the one who kept everyone on their toes, the one who didn’t fit the mold, the one who made her own lane instead of following anyone else’s.

And honestly? I wouldn’t change a single thing about it.

Growing up in a big family has been the greatest blessing of my life. It’s given me stories that make people laugh until they cry, a built-in support system that never fails, and a kind of love that is loud, chaotic, and unconditional.

It’s taught me how to stand up for myself, how to adapt to any situation, and most importantly, how to cherish the people who will always be there—no matter what.

Because no matter how crazy, dysfunctional, or loud we may be, I know one thing for sure—

I wouldn’t change it for the world.

 
 
 

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