Boys, Boys, Boys: Navigating the Wild World of Dating in Your 20s
Dating in your 20s feels like stepping into a whole new universe. Gone are the days of high school crushes and predictable drama—now, you’re faced with a much more interesting (and often confusing) pool of guys. Some are stepping into adulthood, learning and growing, while others… well, let’s just say they’re still stuck in their high school glory days. Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of stinkers. Getting out of high school, I thought I’d be entering a whole new pool of mature, polished men. But let’s be real—they’re just as confused as we are coming into college, trying to figure it all out.
Here are some of the types of guys I’ve encountered in my early 20s:
The Frat Boys
Frat Boys: Fun, Wild, But Know What You’re Getting Into
Ah, the frat boy. You probably met him at a tailgate or a party. He’s charming, loud, and always seems to have a beer/vape in hand. Frat boys can be fun—they know how to hype up a crowd, throw a party, and make you laugh. But when it comes to deeper conversations or commitment? Sometimes they’re still busy figuring out what’s next after college. These guys are great for a good time, but not always for the long haul. They are the life of the party and the first to shotgun a beer. They’re great for a night out but often not much else. While some grow into stand-up guys, others stay stuck in their “darty” phase, which can get old quick.
But let’s talk about the formal trips. Formal is how you know you’ve got these men exactly where you want them. No guy is going to invite you on an all-expenses-paid trip if he doesn’t like you—or at least like something you’ve got. It’s the ultimate frat boy test of interest. Either that or he asked literally everyone he knew and you were the last option. Which if that's the case girl know your place and know you are here for a good time not a long time. That said, let’s keep it real: you might just be a “good time, not a long time” situation for a frat boy if you’re only getting midnight texts or invitations to late-night kickbacks or house parties. Babe, don’t get too excited—he probably invited four other girls to the same event. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen before.
If you get invited to a date party, congrats! You’re either someone he wants to hook up with or someone he actually likes. Here’s how to figure out which is which:
Are you pre-gaming with all of his friends and their dates or girlfriends, and is he making you feel included? That’s a great sign. He’s showing you off and wants people to like you.
Did he just tell you to meet him at the venue or pick you up at the last minute? Girl, count your days and run. That’s a red flag.
Do all of his frat brothers know you or know about you? If you’re hearing, “Oh, we’ve heard a lot about you,” ding, ding, ding—that’s a great sign. He’s been talking about you, and hopefully in a good way.
Does he go MIA when he’s out with his friends? If he’s not texting or snapping you back while he’s out, I hate to break it to you, but he’s probably talking to someone else.
Dating a frat boy is like playing a game of emotional chess, and while it can be fun, you have to be smart about it. Pay attention to the signs, trust your gut, and remember: you deserve more than being one of five girls on his radar. If he’s not putting in the effort to make you feel like a priority, it’s time to move on to someone who will.
The Older Guys
The Older Guys: Experience Meets Potential, But Beware the Pitfalls
Dating someone older can feel like a breath of fresh air. They’ve often got their lives together—stable job, clear goals, and a sense of responsibility. But the age gap can also create some challenges. Sometimes, older guys think they know it all, which can come off as condescending, or they expect you to have your life figured out already. On the flip side, they can be excellent partners if they respect your independence and growth.
Now, let’s address the elephant in the room: the “older guy” in college. If you’re a freshman, let me say this loud and clear—you need to steer clear of these guys. More often than not, they’ve been in college long enough to know exactly what girls want to hear to get what they want. They’ve got the charm, the confidence, and the playbook memorized, but trust me, it’s all a front.
Let me share my own little misadventure. Unfortunately, I got involved with an older guy during my sophomore year. He was a second-year senior (yes, you read that right—second-year senior). Let me just say it was the biggest waste of time ever. Half the time, if they’re that much older, they’re only after one thing. Thankfully for this man, he got nothing from me except a smack in the face and an unforgettable roast session from his own friends after I exposed him for saying, “The boys don’t come first.” (Cringe.)
But, if you’re lucky, you might actually meet a decent older guy. Here’s the thing, though—if you’re a younger girl just looking for a fun time and not a long time, do not mess with this guy. An older guy who’s serious about life is looking for someone to potentially marry and settle down with. If you’re not on the same page, it’s best to keep walking. If you play games and mess him up, good luck ever getting him to talk to you again, much less look at you.
They can either become petty petty or just completely cut you off because they’ve got no time to waste. Older guys have usually reached a point where they know what they want, and they’re not here to entertain indecisiveness. So, if you’re not ready to match that energy, save yourself the drama and move on.
Dating someone older can be rewarding if you’re both aligned in what you want, but it requires honesty and maturity. Know where you stand and what you’re looking for—because trust me, these guys won’t hesitate to figure it out for you.
The Younger Boys
The Younger Boys: Fun but Immature
Let’s talk about the younger guys. They’re full of energy, optimism, and often bring a fresh perspective to life. Younger guys can be fun to hang out with, and their enthusiasm for life can be contagious. But let’s be real—they often come with a side of immaturity. Serious conversations? Avoided. Getting ghosted when things get too real? All too common. They’re a vibe for the moment but sometimes require more patience than you’re willing to give.
Now, let me spill a little tea—more than half the guys I’ve talked to in college have been a year younger than me. At first, it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but let me tell you, it gets complicated real fast. Turning 21 while they’re still 20? Oh, the ick is real. Do you know how humbling it is for your boyfriend to come up to you, batting his eyes, and ask you to buy him beer or a vape because he’s too young? A few months younger, sure, no big deal. But when it’s a whole year of “Hey, can you buy me beer?” or “Can you grab me a vape?” it starts to feel less like a relationship and more like you’re their cool older sibling running errands.
And let me take you back to my freshman year of college. I talked to a guy who was a senior in high school at the time. Yikes. Nothing is more humbling than getting a text from your “guy” asking you to come to his senior prom or senior night when you’re busy getting invited to date parties and planning your spring break with friends. If you’re not already dating before college, just wait a year. Trust me, it’s super awkward to navigate those two very different phases of life. You’ll realize it when you’re waking up on your friend’s futon after a night out, and he’s texting you from homeroom.
Fast forward to my sophomore year of college—I talked to a guy who was a freshman. At first, it was a refreshing change of pace after dealing with a fifth-year senior (we’ve already covered that train wreck). But here’s where it got weird: I was friends with all his older frat brothers, and this guy had already heard all about my freshman-year friend group. Awkward, right? It’s like stepping into a party where everyone knows your stories, but you don’t know theirs.
So here’s the takeaway: dating younger guys can be fun and lighthearted, but it’s not without its challenges. If they’re mature and on your level, great! But if you’re finding yourself buying beer, answering late-night “can you help me with this homework?” texts, or navigating the weirdness of overlapping social circles, maybe rethink it. Timing is everything, and sometimes a year can make a world of difference.
The Heartbreakers
The Heartbreakers: The Ones Who Teach You Hard Lessons
Ah, heartbreakers. These are the guys who leave you questioning everything—your instincts, your self-worth, and sometimes even the very concept of love itself. The cheaters of your 20s? They’re the tough, bitter lessons no one prepares you for. They teach you that red flags matter and your intuition is rarely, if ever, wrong. Sure, the experience is painful, but if there’s one thing you learn, it’s this: you deserve loyalty, honesty, and effort.
Unfortunately, I’ve dealt with more heartbreakers and cheaters than I’d like to admit. Picture this: you’re 22, thinking you’re in a “solid” talking stage with someone, only to find out that your 21-year-old man has been simultaneously dating an 18-year-old high school senior and talking to 18 other girls. Like, sir, why don’t you just audition for The Bachelor at this point? At least then, I’d know upfront that I’m fighting for your love and attention alongside 20 other women.
And can we talk about the sheer logistics of it? How do these guys even keep track of all the conversations without tripping themselves up? Honestly, the effort they put into juggling all these girls could probably rival the organizational skills of a Fortune 500 CEO. Imagine what they could achieve if they redirected all that energy into a healthy, committed relationship with one person. But nope, that’s not what most guys in their 20s seem to want. They’re all about “exploring their options” and experiencing as many people as possible, leaving a trail of chaos behind them.
Now, here’s some real tea. Nothing feels better than reclaiming your power in a situation like this. Imagine showing up at their frat house on their birthday, arm-in-arm with the girl they cheated on you with. Oh, and did I mention making them cry in front of their entire frat house? Yep, that happened, and let me tell you, the satisfaction was unmatched.
Sure, dealing with heartbreakers sucks, but at the end of the day, these experiences shape you. They teach you what you don’t want, what you won’t tolerate, and how much you’re truly worth. So, here’s to leaving the heartbreakers behind and finding someone who doesn’t make you question your value—because you, my friend, are worth more than someone who can’t even keep his stories straight.
The Nice Boys
The Nice Guys: The Unsung Heroes of Your 20s
Ah, the nice guys. They’re the ones who show up with kindness, consistency, and a whole lot of heart. These are the guys who make you feel seen and appreciated without the need for flashy confidence or trying to impress you with grand gestures. They’re not necessarily the loudest in the room, but they’re definitely the most reliable. And let’s be real, sometimes that’s exactly what we need in a world that feels chaotic and unpredictable.
Now, I have a soft spot for nice guys. They have a special place in my heart. But here’s the catch: they’re not always my type—so they often end up becoming my best friends. But that doesn’t mean I don’t recognize how rare and valuable they are. Nice guys don’t care about what’s on the outside; they’re not interested in your body or impressing others. They see you for who you truly are, ADHD quirks and all. They love you for your crazy, the bits and pieces that make you, you.
What’s even more incredible about the nice guys is how they show up for you, day in and day out. They’re the ones who make sure you feel safe and comfortable in every situation, always going above and beyond to make you smile. They’ll sit you down and tell you that you deserve better than the way someone else is treating you, always reminding you of your worth even when you can’t see it for yourself.
Nice guys are definitely rare, and I think they often go underappreciated, especially in a world where bold moves and flashy confidence seem to take center stage. They tend to be either very sought after or in long-term relationships because they know exactly what they want and aren’t willing to settle for less. And honestly, I respect that so much. They’re the ones who set the bar for how you should be treated in any relationship, and that’s something we can all learn from.
So, here's to the nice guys. They may not always get the spotlight, but they’re definitely the ones who leave a lasting impact on your heart. And even though they may not be my type, I’ll always root for them to find someone who deserves their unwavering love and loyalty.
The Smart Boys
The Smart Guys: Brains, Wit, and Ambition
Let’s talk about the smart guys. You know, the ones who can blow your mind with their knowledge and ambition. These guys are driven—they’ve got goals, they’ve got plans, and they know where they’re headed in life. It’s honestly such a refreshing change to be challenged intellectually by someone who isn’t just talking about their future but actively working toward it. They make you want to keep up, to keep pushing yourself to learn and grow.
But here’s the catch: sometimes, their single-minded focus on their goals can make them seem distant or, dare I say, a little too absorbed in their own world. They’re often so laser-focused on their ambitions that they can forget to carve out time for relationships, or they may struggle to find the balance between personal growth and being present for someone else. And trust me, I get it. I’ve been known to fall for an engineering major or two (yikes, I know), and let me tell you, it’s a ride.
Now, the smart guys have a unique way of making you feel like you’re just not on their level because you’re not good at math or whatever their specialized area of genius happens to be. And while I can appreciate a good engineering brain (no shade), as a triple major myself, I can’t help but roll my eyes when I hear, “Oh, you don’t get it? It’s just basic math…” Like, excuse me, Einstein, I’m over here juggling three majors and it’s taking me five years to graduate too, so maybe you could ease up on the “you don’t know math” comments.
But, despite all that, I’ll give them credit. I love their drive. There’s something seriously attractive about someone who wants to fix problems, find solutions, and change the world. And I’ll be honest, I’m all about a guy who’s not just smart but witty as well. If you can make me laugh in an intelligent way, sign me up! I love a good back-and-forth banter where we can poke fun at each other—just, you know, keep it classy. No “your mom” jokes or immature stuff like that. I want someone who can dish it out and take it too.
I think one of the most appealing things about the smart guys is that they know what they want. They’re not out here just floating through life; they’re intentional. They’ve got a plan, and they go after it with everything they’ve got. There’s something magnetic about that kind of determination, and if you can appreciate their ambition (and deal with the occasional “I’m smarter than you” vibe), these guys can make amazing partners who will always keep you on your toes.
The Mommy Boys
The Mommy Boys: A Relationship with His Mom… and You
Ah, the mommy boys. These guys are usually sweet, and they really adore their moms, and hey, there’s nothing wrong with a strong family bond. Family love is important—it shapes who we are and how we interact with others. But sometimes, a guy’s connection with his mom can really take it to a whole new level. And while some moms are an essential part of their son’s support system, there are situations where it feels like the mom is the one running the show, calling all the shots, and making all the decisions. When you find yourself in a relationship with a mommy boy, it can feel like you’re competing for attention, and sometimes, you might just come second to his mom.
Let me paint you a picture: You’re chilling at your boyfriend’s apartment, thinking it’s going to be a quiet night together, and then—bam—his mom starts banging on the bedroom window. She’s worried because he didn’t answer her calls (she called 12 times that day, by the way, I counted). She thought he was hurt or something worse because, you know, he missed THREE of her calls. She had to check in. And it’s not like she’s just checking in for casual conversation either. No, she’s practically stalking him with all those calls. Meanwhile, you’re sitting there thinking, "Okay, I don't even call him that much."
Here’s the thing: at some point, it gets weird. You’re not signing up to be in a relationship with a grown man who’s emotionally attached to his mom to the point where you feel like you’re dating both of them. It's hard to build a healthy, balanced relationship when his mom is constantly dictating his schedule, checking in on him every five minutes, and making decisions for him.
And don't even get me started on how they just don’t get the basics of adulting! They rely on their moms to do things like cooking, cleaning, and handling all the responsibilities that come with being an independent adult. Meanwhile, you're sitting there wondering how a 21-year-old can’t make a decision without his mom’s input. Like, I’m sorry, but I signed up to date a grown man, not a child that needs mothering.
However, there’s one thing I can’t deny: I do judge a guy based on how he treats his mom. If he treats the lady who literally gave birth to him like dirt, then it’s a red flag, and honestly, he’ll probably treat you the same way. But if he treats her with love and respect, while still maintaining his boundaries, that’s a good sign.
Find yourself a man who loves his mom, but also knows how to set boundaries and stand on his own. Because a healthy relationship with his mom is important—but when it feels like he’s married to her instead of you, girl, you might want to run.
Finding Your Way in the Dating World
The truth is, dating in your 20s is full of ups and downs. You’ll laugh, cry, and maybe even scream into your pillow a few times. But each experience teaches you something new about yourself—what you want, what you deserve, and what you’ll never settle for.
The key to navigating boys in your 20s is remembering your worth. It’s easy to get caught up in the games and the drama, but at the end of the day, you deserve someone who respects you, supports you, and matches your energy. Don’t settle for less, because the right guy will come along, and he’ll make all the craziness worth it.
Until then, embrace the chaos, make memories, and enjoy the ride—because this is all part of the adventure of being in your 20s.
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